Hi there.
I'm new here. I'm 37 and I'm from South Africa.
My brothers and dad are all bipolar and my brothers are on meds for it.
I have resisted the idea that I might be too all my life because I don't want to be like my father in any way. And I'm scared of drugs, especially anti-depressants. My brothers have had good success on drugs though so now I'm ready to give it a go Till now I've always believed that I could change, grow, manage my "quirks".

But I recently hit a level of depression that I still can't pull myself out of. I read a bunch of stuff online about bipolar disorder and I'm pretty sure it describes me very well.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in 9 days. I'm hoping to get answers and I'm hoping some meds will help me. I'm always irritable, I'm sad a lot, I feel things too much I think. I can go from being on top of the world, pumped by a great song, to crying in bitter sweet (or downright painful) sadness in minutes. I'm a musician so I always thought that I was just special that way. Passionate. But I can barely control my emotions after a lifetime of trying and thinking I've been learning

My wife is on the brink of a breakdown because I'm always sad and irritable too much. She just wants to be happy. We have a 3 year old daughter and I'm pretty sure that's all that's keeping her with me right now.

Anyway, I'm feeling lost, scared, and I'm hoping to find a community of people who can help me figure out a way out of this.

Thank you for taking the time to read my intro.