I get nervous leaving my apartment because I'm scared I'll run into one of my neighbors, and I'll have to say hello. It's not that I don't like being friendly, but it's just that the act of saying hello, when processed in my mind, seems like such a burdensome and anxiety-producing thing. And when I do run into people in the hallway, I do my best to be standoffish and avoid eye contact.

Though, there are days where I am feeling in a good mood, or I am motivating myself to break through my social anxiety, and I will look people in the eyes and I will say hello.

However, those kinds of days are far and few between.

The odd thing about my social anxiety, when I write about it and begin to contemplate it more on this forum, is that I have never thought about myself as having social anxiety to the point where it could be the primary cause of my depression and sadness in my life.

After thinking and writing about this more, I know realize that I have spent the better part of my life with some form of social anxiety. When I was a kid, everyone told me I was shy, but looking back now, it was definitely more than being shy.

Also, when I meet new people, I immediately think of some reason why I shouldn't like them. I reject them, so that I can avoid being hurt by them in the future, regardless of whether or not we become friends. Though, of course, by rejecting them at our first meeting, that makes certain that we will not become friends in the first place!

I didn't realize that I do this automatically, reject people when I first meet them, until I read through BlueWisteria's post.

That is what I love so much about Psych Central. I discover new things about myself. Even though my anxiety and depression is delibilatating at times, I begin to understand it more through this online community. Thank you!

So, I hope through reading my post, you may learn new things about yourself, and begin to heal.

I am happy to be on the healing journey with all of you.