I know things would be different if I was able to believe that some day I could have "real" friends"....the kind that care about me enough to think I'm worth working things out with if there's a problem, the kind that are able to accept that the depression I suffer from is not scary, but rather just something going haywire with the chemicals in my brain (plus other mysterious factors)....or that it's like when they were grieving over the loss of their loved one, but just without a specific reason. But so far I haven't found those people ....and I don't have much hope that I ever will. The last person who was a big part of my life, and who was supposedly my bff, couldn't understand....but what's worse she couldn't even respect me enough to admit that, despite the fact that it was so obvious. So in the end she just threw me out of her life like a piece of trash and has completely "shunned" me for a year and a half now. Screening my calls, not responding to the long letter I wrote her, and ignoring it every time I told her how painful it was not to have any idea what had happened. I stopped trying to communicate with her a long time ago now. Bottom line....The Prayer of Serenity is the guiding force in my life, but I am stuck at "God give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change". Yes I have to accept the fact that I can't make people care about me....or to love me....but I also don't know how long I can go on feeling so alone. To anyone who made it through this....thank you ~whimsy