A quick bit of history...

I am currently a social worker in an inpatient psych unit. I have BPD and PTSD. I have been highly functional for a couple of years now.

About 3 years ago I attempted suicide due to poor coping with a triggering event. I'm very fortunate i survived multiple organ failure. I am intolerant of medication so far. 20mg of Cymbalta sends me manic. 50mg of Seroquel zombiefies me.

My baseline is hypomanic. The staff finds my baseline "refreshing" to the work environment. When I swing down to "normal", everyone questions what is wrong and the mood of the environment changes.

I'm struggling so hard to deal with such strong waves of emotion I am having presently. I have become a successful at not letting the waves show. I feel like I'm trying to be "normal" while these emotions are anything but...

My wife is worried that I'm suppressing. I'm don't feel that I am. I'm processing them with her.

Anyway, have any of y'all been intolerant of medication? How have you learned to deal with intense emotions?