I feel like the biggest idiot ever...I really never understood how much my dad really can't stand me. I looked at my wedding album from 9 years ago and it's just so obvious he doesn't want to be there. He's muttered some insults under his breath, both my husband and I have heard him. When I was hospitalized he told my best friend that he and my mom (who wouldn't even come downstairs) were just waiting for me to kill myself. My dad wouldn't talk to me until my mom got sick and died, the year after my psychotic break. I tried to help him through his loss, the whole time he was continuing to talk horribly about me to my sister and uncle. The whole thing came to a head this jan. when my dad almost died. My sister amazingly had the whole narrative of my visit ahead of time, like I had to be escorted out of the hospital...wtf? It was horrible, she eventually invoked her power of attorney and I just gave up.
I just feel so stupid. I really thought that he was my dad and would love me despite my mental illness.
Ouch.