I don't think "blaming" can help and perhaps insisting your wife get therapy (rather than you both do marriage counseling) is what is not helping. I'd get pretty defensive if my mate identified me as the major/sole problem in my marriage and demanded I change to suit his and his idea of what the marriage should be? My husband's ex-wife spent their marriage complaining that he didn't make her happy; kind of the same thing; not his job to make her happy.

Maybe set up a marriage counseling appointment for both of you (with a woman or two counselors, one each sex) and ask her to accompany you, giving her a couple week's notice (or ask her before you make the appointment, get her input into who to choose)? Tell her how you feel about the marriage and yourself without saying "she" makes you feel x or y. She and her behavior can't make you feel any particular way, it's your responses, not everyone would necessarily respond the same way. It is okay/great if you feel frustrated and unhappy with how YOU feel and respond to her but not okay to say she is the cause of your problems. See the difference? If you want to save the marriage, I'd ask her if she would go with you to a marriage counselor so you two can learn to work together better. If you don't want to save the marriage or if she does not want to help, then I'd go ahead with the divorce. You can't change her, only yourself and vice versa.