hi,
i'm having a hard time dealing with every. my heal is on the fritz. so i feel like i'm a burden on my husband. they think i ruptured a cervical disk in my neck. all i know is it hurts real bad. i feel like i'm just a problem.

i'm still getting memories back. some aren't too bad. it's mostly my 5yr. little showing me what she liked to do when i was little. like wrestling, women roller derby, etc.... i had no idea i was so violent when i was a child? it's hard for me to believe, but i know she's telling the truth. i don't know what she's trying to tell me.

my mom is in a nursing home (a good one) with alzhiemers. i don't want her to worry, but i'm just not able to see her. i feel guilty about that.

there tiggers around me all the time. i'm seeing a t and wonder if i should deal with now. but feel if i don't, it would get worse not better.

i keep dissociating, and can't stay in the now. i don't know what to do about it, or if theres anything i can do.i can't find interest in anything.i can't bond with, or trust anybody.(except you guys) feels like i'm just existing because i can't face what is infront of me on the outside. you guys are the only people that would understand. do you have any suggestions? is this normal? ( don't worry about me doing anything to hurt myself. it;s not on the menu.)

benny