So it's probably been about a month since I last SI'd. Tuesday morning before going into work I had such strong urges that I ended up doing it again. I was feeling particulary bad and had a breakdown afterwards when I got to work. The times that I have SI'd before are few and far between. This time was worse and I ended up cutting around the side of my wrist on each side. The last time it was in the same place and when I told my psychastrist he asked me if it was a suicide attempt. No the last time it wasn't and this time wasn't but I didn't care if it ended up that way. If I die I die If I don't then oh well. Just struggle through the next day.
It leaves a mark, but it's not noticable unless you were trying to find it. I know many people who SI do this at places where people can't see. But I don't know if I cut there because I want someone to notice it. I like to see it. I don't know why though. I don't care if anyone sees it I'll just tell them my cat scratched me. Does it mean that I want attention? I'm looking for people to notice it and I don't try to hide it. i just don't care. I haven't had any major urges since then, but my mood has been so up and down lately... who knows how I'll feel tomorrow or even an hour from now.