No, you are not a jerk, you are just trying to understand your challenge and so far all your questions are right on track with the questions many who struggle with PTSD ask. You have asked questions that I have asked myself, you want to understand and help yourself work through it, that's all and that's healthy too.

I will say though Mowtown, when you catch yourself "putting yourself down in "any" way", stop yourself and remind yourself to be "patient and self caring".

Losing your wallet and pay check would upset "anyone" only for someone with PTSD, the emotions are "magnified" that's all. If you learn to catch yourself when you do this, that's the beginning of slowly healing verses "feeding into it and self blaming".

((Hugs))
OE