I, too, ruminate about death and dying. Wishing it would be soon so I would be out of my misery. I've even gone so far as to purchase my tombstone and pre-planned my funeral. I though that would give me peace of mind but it hasn't. But I do believe there is something more after death. I believe in a devine being. So, I try to not thinkg about it and leave it in God's hands, but I have this issue with wanting to have control of things. So you are not alone.