... from feeling relatively strong, from almost having a sense of some sort of a substance inside to losing it all. Tipping over in a fraction of a second.

I don't belong anywhere. Not even here. I'm unable to accept support because I rarely believe that it's genuine. Other times I reject it square on because it comes from a person I can't respect. I seem to alienate everyone and I'm not even sure how much of a loss it is.

I get really desperate. I'm losing it all with people. For some reason self harm has become the only answer and it is getting worse. Deeper cuts, uglier scars. As if being in pain, bleeding, being exposed to the danger of a cut going just that little too deep would mean being loved. Comforted. Being held.

Sick, I know.

I think I have lost something. I see what's left of my life as a slow degradation that will end in isolation and tragedy.

I always end up in tears, bleeding.