I really want to cut right now, it has been on my mind on and off all day now. Not only that, I want it to be bad. And while I'm not suicidal, I don't care if I was to die.

I haven't cut for about a month now, purely for the above reasons. I don't trust myself.

But tonight the urges are strong. I considered getting alcohol and drinking to oblivion. I didn't. In an attempt to not give in I took myself to bed early. About an hour and a half ago. But I won't let myself sleep. I'm just battling with myself and I don't know what I want to win.