Your experience reminds of something I went through when I was 19 (I am 25 now). I was severely anorexic back then, and had only eaten three days out of 50 days since I began starving myself. I was very conflicted because I was suppressing my orientation in hopes of being a better Christian.

I was starving myself because I felt my weight was the only thing I could manage in my life. I had an intervention to get me to eat again, but during and after my anorexic days of starving, I felt like the very core of my self had been compromised. It was as if there was a part of me that my mind once perceived but could at that point no longer detect. It was quite a surreal, horrific state of being. Everything you've described takes me back to that time in my life. I am going through something as difficult as I was back then, but it isn't in the same nature as what I had gone through when I was 19.

It took me about a year to recover my sense of self, but I felt like it was to a degree that it may have had something to do with a structure in my brain experiencing a complication. I did eventually recover. I came out shortly after that year. I did get an MRI to make sure nothing was wrong. It's one of those occurrences that is impossibly complicated to relay with just words. For me, it was both psychological and spiritual. I hope this was of some support for you.