Hello folks,
I'm posting with a similar situation with a girlfriend. She too has multiple health issues one of which is a very lacking libido. Sometimes my heart bleeds for both her and her husband. He is a very loving man and extremely tolerant though likely very frustrated. She too is very loving toward him in all ways other than sexually and she has really tried. For a time she did drug therapy with the most wretched side effects including permanent hair loss ala male pattern baldness.

The guilt she feels in not being able to satisfy her husbands needs and desires is compounding her many anxieties. One of the most multifactorial pictures you can imagine. She is the most beautiful person and so is he. Recently she has considered she has been through the wringer enough and has determined she simply doesn't want to take the responsibility for it on her and he could consider addressing his libido as unmatched to hers and he can look for solutions that don't embrace infidelity! It's truly heartbreaking that an otherwise great couple have this anguish lurking behind the bedroom door.

Can I be bold folks and say I think the body mind and spirit can not be split into compartments to be measured and medicated in isolation. I have had many years of personal challenge and have not come through without a few scars. I have had the most benefit from embracing all aspects of my life when seeking better outcomes.

Study and investigation have shown our sense of wellbeing is relevant to our own scales. With conscious effort we can recalibrate our scales, a bit like we can adjust statistics to suit our purpose!! So take what you like from the data, I'm hearing that our recovery from any trauma is greatly enhanced when we have a healthy dose of love. Also our sense of being loved is by our own perception of being loved. Perception is heavily loaded by our experience, which is held in our memory by perception and.... if you get my picture? Get this, measured data indicates you can go to gym for 3months, not lose any weight and yet you will feel better about your weight than when you started? Fabulous stuff eh?? Since wellbeing is coloured by our perception lens surely the lens deserves some attention too.

Clear as mud?! The way we look at life is perhaps the least considered path to healing. Forgive me for saying so I hear a lot of anxiety in your letter and you speak much of your partners ills and deficits. A whisper too of conditional love and happiness on your part in that things would be perfect if only she was this or that. Considering the therapeutic effects of love you might measure yours as you express that your happiness and satisfaction are leveled at her. This is onerous on her and so it goes into the misery mix. It sounds as if her feelings are subordinate to yours. Her perception of being loved will be tinted maybe tainted by her feelings of inadequacy to sustain your satisfactions.

Please forgive my poor communication if it reads offensively. I simply want to suggest nothing exists in isolation.

I have been the novice in my own life many times and am learning to take opportunities to broaden the aperture coz it's such a big picture isn't it!?

I pray you find firm ground along the way and the travelling becomes easier for you both.

In best regard
Frances
Eat right, sleep right and play hard.