For the second time within a week, had a second highly sui day Monday (the other being the previous Wednesday, though they were quite different in nature). I can go quite a bit beyond the usual recommendations of danger, but even for me, calmly making a checklist and writing letters is a bad sign. Doing considerably better the last couple of days. Weird thing is I'm don't really think I'm depressed(!) That's pretty f'd up.

On a lighter note! Putting in applications for apartments (yeah, wasn't exactly doing that on Monday) Looked at one today. BF is desperate to get out of our current situation (seriously alcoholic housemate is triggering), so putting in an app. despite the fact it's wigging me out, phobia-wise. Another unit appeared online today at a different building, and I am SO following up on that one tomorrow! This stuff is so stressful! Plus paperwork freezes me like a deer in headlights. Simple application, completed (uhhh...mostly) in "only" about 3 hours. I haven't dealt with subsidized housing before, but... and in light of that, how bizarre is it that... I was worried this morning that I don't make enough to be able to get in. (And not w/o cause --for a number of their properties I don't.).

Want to just (instantly) BE in a place that works. It'll be the third move in just barely over a year. Dreading serious physical pain (we've both got chronics that really can't handle moving). Just hope it isn't incapacitating. Yeah right. When does it get easier?