Hi there,
I am newly diagnosed with Bipolar I and PTSD after a serious suicide attempt and a 2 week hospital stay. Mental illness runs rampant in my family, and I losst my dad to suicide in 2010 as a result.

I have a loving husband and 4 awesome boys; I feel terrible every day when I look at what I'm putting them through. I don't want to leave, but some days, it feels like the only way I can save them from the torment of living with someone who isn't well.

I'm still trying to get my meds sorted out. I feel like my doc and I are on the right track, but I know it can take a really long time for some people to find the right combination of meds. Ironically, I find that depressing in itself.

I'm on medical leave from my job as a college professor, and after leaving the hospital, I feel quite alone when it comes to communicating with others who "get" what I'm going through. My family really tries, but it's like trying to explain kissing to a person who doesn't have lips. (I know that's a sad analogy, but I'm tired.)

I just want to get to the point where I feel like I'm worthy of being loved even though I'm far from perfect. I've spent my whole life pushing people away because of my illness. I want to stop. Losing what I have now would be unfathomably hurtful to everyone involved, especially myself.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I'm looking forward to meeting you all.

Best,
Jesster