Yeah, my parents screwed me up too. However, I wanted to point something out about what you've posted. I'm really, really sorry if I sound like I'm attacking you.

But you say you were brought up to be a certain way, and now your daughter is like that too. Sorry, but that's still you. Your daughter is FOUR. She isn't toxic or selfish or anything, you've just been conditioned to see her that way rather than seeing what she actually needs. You need to break the cycle, now.

Your daughter is just learning the boundaries. Of course she wants things her own way! As a parent, it's your job to teach her about things like delayed gratification and regulating her emotions, not to label her as bad. Please, please read some good parenting books (I hear 'How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk' comes highly recommended) and maybe consider parenting classes.

Because what you've actually posted is essentially this: "My parents taught me I was bad and now I think my daughter is bad too." This isn't your fault, but you do need to take action and realise that you're in danger of repeating the cycle.