Regardless of labels, my impression is you will require some sort of assistance, perhaps several types of assistance, in getting to a better place.
You could take the quizzes, don't read too much into them but you could consider the results against your own wider experience.
PsychCentral Depression Quiz (This is simply a screening test; it is not diagnostic.)
Sanity Score Quiz
__________________
My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.