Thanks so much everybody.....I appreciate all of your inputs and I agree with you guys....I even know all of them, but I'm not sure why when I should use all these tools (e.g. mindfulness), I don't!

I'm feeling better today....Yesterday it was my first day of my period and I got so crazy before and during it.....I'm not proud of myself....

We talked a lot last night, but he told me that he's tired of it....and I understand....He's right....I'm tired of myself too....

He's an amazing person and we are totally in love, but I'm sabotaging our love.....He told me yesterday that kids wanted to be with me and they asked if they are coming over to my place, even his little son asked him if they can live with me....It makes me feel good, but sometimes, when they are around, it's too much work and I get frustrated!

I want to be good to him and I'm going to do that....I have to be less clingy and more loving and caring....I know he loves me, but if I show him all these bitterness, then he will eventually get tired of me....He's afraid of losing me too....He's afraid of me leaving him....

I shall make myself busier rather than concentrating on none sense.....

Thanks again for all your replies....I hope I stay focus on my life and no negative thoughts anymore....I want this man and I will make it happen....

with love
Marjan