((Trailrunner)),

Wow, it is so nice of you to want to make an effort to stay and help your girlfriend.
I agree with Cedar, you probably should look for a therapist that specializes in treating PTSD for support.

It is not unusual for someone who has had a "history of abuse and abandonment" to become "high achievers" either. Unfortunately those who struggle with PTSD often are in the same scenario where their family members and even friends are "dismissive and have these "just deal and get over it" comments. Yes, these people tend to only "aggravate" the PTSD because people that struggle with PTSD would love nothing more then to be able to "just get over it".

"I'm the reason a lot of the trauma, repressed memories, and flashbacks are occurring. She told me its because she finally feels safe enough with someone to let them out. " quote Trailrunner

Well, it's a little more complicated than that. Your gf doesn't know "how to relax and trust" and what is happening is she tends to be haunted by that child that was abused/abandoned and she never had a chance to establish a sense of "safety in her subconscious programming". Unfortunately her family continues to abandon her with how they continue to be so unsupportive or make a strong effort to "help her with her needs".

I have this problem myself, I was abused when I was very small too, and I really never "felt safe" growing up. Basically, my childhood programed me to be "hyper vigilant" and that's all I really knew how to be in order to "thrive". I didn't know what that was, I didn't know what hyper vigilance was or stress/anxiety.

If I am triggered in a certain way, I have flashbacks going all the way back to when I am extremely small and I could not figure out "what" was happening to me, all I know is that I am very "cold, my stomach hurts badly, and I just cry and cry" and I can't see anyone doing anything.

One day my therapist said that what it could be is that I am "wet, cold, and hungry" and crying and no one is coming to my calls. After giving it a lot of thought, I remember that the house I grew up in was older and "cold" and my mother had two other children to tend to and she was overwhelmed and on top of that my older brother was a huge challenge to her, he was always acting out and running away.
I do remember being "abandoned" a lot because my mother was always trying to control my older brother and often I was left with my sister while my mother would be out trolling our neighborhood looking for my older brother who was only a small child himself.

If I get triggered a certain way, I get the chills badly and in may ways I re-experience that cold, scared, child in flashbacks and body memories. The average person cannot fathom what experiencing this challenge is like either. And unfortunately, people tend to be so dismissive about it that all they do is "make it worse". My family has done that with me "a lot". It was really bad until my husband was called in to talk it over with my therapist. My husband would basically yell at me to "stop acting like a child" when I was experiencing these flashbacks. My therapist had to explain to him that I could not help it and he needed to "back off" and give me space and do his best to "comfort me".

And, it's embarrassing to get triggered and experience these flashbacks or suddenly be struck by so much "sudden anxiety" and not have a way of explaining to others how much work it is to "self sooth and calm down".

And it has nothing to do with a person being "unworthy or weak or loony or stupid".
I have met people who struggle with PTSD that are the "nicest" people too. I am sure you have seen that in your girlfriend too.

I am sure she wants so badly to get better too, we all do. I don't think one ever "completely heals" either, they just have to take time to figure out how and where they are somehow damaged, and keep working through it and gaining skills to better manage the PTSD.

Each person is different depending on their history and what kind of trauma, or trauma's they experienced too. Some people have a very hard time "trusting" depending on their history too. Trust = Being more vulnerable to many. So most likely your girlfriend's reactions or challenges with you isn't that she doesn't love or want to love you, it just tends to bring out that part of her that was hurt and someone was not there to "save or comfort her" and as I mentioned, with what you are describing of her family, they still don't give her that "validation and comfort".

I am willing to bet your girlfriend often feels "unworthy" somehow because she "wants to love and trust you" but she struggles so much. I find that I often tend to "apologize" and utter, "I am sorry" a lot.

I can also understand her backing away from therapy if she was not treated right too. I can't blame her as she "trusted and was hurt". Well, I have been in that scenario myself, I too have read a lot about PTSD and she is right, it is hard to find a "good therapist" that really "knows how to work with PTSD patients in ways that actually "help". I am lucky, in spite of my reservations, I kept looking and finally found a good T and it has helped me a lot. I would say that my T and I work as a team on my healing too, and that is important.

OE