Just wanted to add, you have very low self esteem....because of your abuse.

Our first idea of love comes from our parents...which is pure, unconditional love. We slowly learn to expand this love to siblings, friends and later spouse. Your concept of love is warped because you did not receive unconditional love from your parents. You think abuse is part and parcel of love.

It is not.

When you were young, you were vulnerable and helpless.....abused by the very people who are supposed to protect you. But when you become an adult, you have you to defend yourself.

You will enter an abusive relationship ONLY if you allow yourself to be abused. Demand what you deserve.

You can find a good loving husband only when you love yourself. Finding true love begins with unconditional self love
Just as you can't tell anyone else that you'd love them more if they were "smarter", "better looking", "better earning", etc.....the same goes for yourself too.

Learn to love yourself first.....unconditionally.

Only when you have healed your wounds and accepted yourself, you'd be equipped to find true love. And by true love, I don't mean the happily ever after that's shown in movies. Relationships require lot of compromise and work. But by true love, I mean someone -

- around whom you can be yourself, comfortably and it's the same from them.
- who has similar temperament to yours
- whom you are happy to just see them happy and it's the same from them.
- whom you are happy to see succeed, even if you fail at it, and it's the same from them.
- for whom you are happy to work hard....just to make them smile.and it's the same from them.

But all that is far away.

Your conquering your mind monsters is priority and each person has to face their own struggle to get there.

All the best!!