My God this is such a sad story and I'm sorry for all the pain you've experienced, along with this traumatic medical issue. Testicular torsion can be fixed, but timing is critical and very sad you didn't have parents that made you feel comfortable sharing. Yes you should have been taken straight to the ER. Its a shame your father made you feel like this and its not surprising you had self esteem issues. If you had the right parents they could have reassured you, this wouldn't affect your manhood and luckily God gives 2. Men who have testicular cancer can do well and continue to be fertile. Maybe one day you'll change your mind about being a parent and do a better job. Your dad was a crappy parent - like to see any man go through this and not be scared to death.