Yesterday was a good day to start out with. My boyfriend had the day off so we were spending the day together. He came over and i made omletes and later on we packed a picnic and went to a park and ate it. Then after that We went for Icecream. After that i noticed that that dark shadow was slowly pushing its way in.
For dinner we went to my grandmas for pizza as everyone was talking i just wanted to be alone. I didnt feel like i could join the conversation. I felt likei was on the outside looking in the window.
We went to a concert at my church and I tried to enjoy the music but my thoughts kept getting louder. I wanted to leave but couldnt. It felt like my brain had a huge switch On is for happieness and off is for sad by the end of the day it was off.
We got back to my apartment to hang somemore but all i wanted to do was lay and stare at the wall. He noticed it. He tried so hard to get me to laugh and normally he can but i couldnt muster anything. Once he left tears rolled down my face. He Told me he would always be there for me. I want to be happy i truly do. If i could learn how to turn that switch on i would in a heartbeat. But that switch seems to weight more than I can Lift by myself.