Gain of what exactly? It isn't necessarily a decision. For instance, the fact that I will probably never fully love anyone isn't because I don't want to. I still remember dreaming as a child that some day I'd have the permission to love somebody. Since then I've learned, that my way of caring, protecting myself and others, loving and doing pretty much anything is such that the whole concept of love would have to be remade. Or the fact that I' not honest. It isn't to hurt anybody, it is to protect me. I want to keep me as a secret, I don't know why, or how, but I tend to lie a lot. I can never be very honest because nobody wants to hear my truth.