I think you should seek maybe a therapist, some one that you can make a connection with and talk to on a regular basis about what is bothering you, with out the worry of being left out in the cold. School counselor may be a second viable option, but it seems like you need some one that will give you the attention you need without the distraction of a busy school. I understand about family situations, but when you are contemplating taking your own life, you really should get help for yourself. Your family will understand, I am sure they would rather have you around!