I'm sick of purging, the sore throat, the binging, the passing out from eating too much sugar.

My teeth have cost a small fortune to fix.

I also remember the extact moment that my bulemia started. I was at work , got extremely stressed and I went into the bathroom and it just began. Mine didn't have to do with weight but stress. Everytime I purge all my stress is going into the dumpster (you might say ) - such intense feeling of relief. The binging without purge makes me feel good, relaxed taking something for me without people always taking from me. Even though I know I will be sick as a dog, I can't seem to stop myself.

I took on one part of the challege in the last 4 months - I refused to eat the foods that others thought I should eat. A major major step. I have friends that feel very strongly about what is normal. I don't want to eat pizza or lasgna or hamburger helper meals

I don't want to eat red meat because I've lost the ability to digest it. I don't care how many of my friends put pressure on me.

I eat instant oatmeal made with whole milk because it is a comfort food.
For me, comfort foods seem to be a part of the answer. Jansime rice mixed with a really mild fish stays down.
Hot choclate warms me.

My stomach feels unbreably full when I eat these good foods and I have managed with a great deal of concentration to ignore the feeling of being too full.

Yes, I know it doesn't make sense - I can binge and binge but feel that fullness feeling after eating something that is good for me. But that is how I learned to ignore the fullness feeling - I self talk and tell myself that it is a false feeling.

I don't have control of my illness - I hope and hope. The hope makes me try.

But I too am tired of the endless cycle.