wow..thanks for the advice everyone.im sorry about not getting back to the site and thanking you all sooner.i was lost in my own little world the last few days.seems the problems in my life just seem to be compounding and im getting more and more depressed as the days go by.BUTT,,i am still focused on getting some help for myself and i have convinced my self to not take NO for an answer or let anyone give me the run around when i do go for help.im not putting it off .JAN 1ST is my start date and i will go thru with it.i am reasearching all the local mental health programs and what ever catch,s my eye while searching.so jan 1st i will be on the road to who knows what..lol.i believe i have just about reached rock bottom but not totaly.i still have my girl/wife but i see that slipping away also.i have made up my mind to sit her down and talk to her tommorow and say i am sorry for being such a total burden to live with,and believe me i have been that and then some.i am shocked at how much i have put her thru and she still find the time to say i love you every night.so mabie out of the kindness of her great big heart she will see i am going to make the changes needed to become a better and healthy person ..im keeping my fingers crossed ..i know ,i have to do this for myself and no one else..CANT,i have to do it for the both of us.without her i am nothing.she has been my doc,friend,family and wife for 16 + years and she knows me like a bad book.so.i would just like to say thank you all for taking the time out of your life to reply to my cry for wolf.i am greatfull to you all and i will keep in contact with the board members.im sure i will have ?? about all of this..HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND THANKS AGAIN.