I have done this before, and my t has called me out on it, saying I dont have to pretend to be strong, and to let my guard down because this was my safe room, but I chose to be the almighty stubborn &^%$ just to regret it as soon as I walked out the door. I on the other hand see her every two weeks so I have to pay dear consequences for my wasted session, which really isnt wasted, because I am displaying all these behaviors in session which really mean something and is coming from somewhere for us to deal with, but I do know where your coming from with your post, so hang in there till your next session.