I didn't have much of a relationship with my father. He didn't like me, because I reminded him of my mother. He was having all sorts of affairs & abandoned my mother & the children. He even started calling another woman his daughter (she wasn't really), because she was what he wanted in a daughter. He didn't want me.

That hurt a lot, but in time I just had to deal with the reality of my life & focus on what I did have. I've tried to improve my quality of life by seeking professional help & just letting go of my dream to have a real dad who loved me.

I think you sound very mature & will be able to have a full life without contact with your dad. Don't pine for him or let him hurt you anymore.--Suzy (P.S. I'm 52 now & had several suicide attempts in my teens as well. That's not the answer. You can learn to cope.)