Hello all!

So Saturday I fly off to to another city to get ready to start my new travel assignment on Monday. I'm excited, nervous, and scared.
I earn good money when I work but through the years the problem has been me losing jobs due to absences. This puts a strain on my family financially and I want to stop that. Plus, I know that I will feel better about myself if I am successful at keeping jobs.
I haven't had alcohol since I've been off (a month) and everyone seems to think that alcohol is the culprit for my demise. They say that whenever I drink, it messes with my meds and sends me into a tailspin of missing work due to increased anxiety brought on by the alcohol, until I eventually lose the job. I think they may be right, but sometimes I've missed work when I didn't night before. I think missing work has become in some ways a crutch; I miss work and feel momentarily elated and stress free until I realize I'm THIS much closer to losing my job.
Here's the thing, on my day's off, I like to catch up on shows and movies on my computer and I like drink while I do that. Drinking helps me get into the movie more. Plus I also like to try to find guys to have encounters with (I never end up going through with anything because how ugly, undesirable I feel).
If I just don't miss work, I will make money and then eventually start living a more normal life where I can buy things that I need and feel better about myself. I'm just scared how that's going to happen.