Hi all,

My name is Chris and I am a 30 year old male. I have been suffering with depression my whole life, but lately it has been getting steadily worse. My anger is worsening by the day and my moods are souring a lot more.

I have not been able to hold down a job, finish college, maintain friendships or relationships.

I have applied myself and returned to college but suffer from mild anxiety and anger. I have gone after my dream job of becoming a fire fighter but I am afraid they will never call me.

Mostly because I turned 30 and I have not been able to finish college or find a career, I had to move back home. This took a huge toll on my self esteem. I have not had any kids or a wife and I by now I thought I would have those things.

My depression mainly started when I was 13 and my grandmother passed away. I always grew up without a father, and that took a huge toll on me as a boy.

I have never sought out treatment because of cost, and embarrasement. Friends do not understand what I go through, and constantly tell me to suck it up.

My support group is very tiny and consists of my mom and sister. My mistake make my friends think its me being an idiot and not because of depression. I am lonely a lot of the time and look at my phone when it doesn't ring for days and it brings me down.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? I want to finish college and become a fire fighter but I am afraid of failing and the pressure my family puts on me for being 30 and not having a family, career or education.

Thank you all for any help you can give me. God bless.