Thank you, paradox. I'm afraid I've been trying to accomplish too long and I already know it doesn't help. The problem is that I have accomplished them already. I've been writing, I've been cleaning my house. I clean my whole house every other day. Dirty house or clean house, I feel the same. Another thing is that the lack of motivation has not stopped me from writing. In fact, I recently finished an entire book I've been working. I took the time to polish it up too. You know, edit it and everything. Did I feel better when I was done? No, I felt just as sad. Nothing makes me feel better. It's not a lack of happiness that bothers me. It's the presence of pain. It's like depression is a person. I say, "look! I've cleaned and I've written.", and he says, "I don't care. I'm still staying here."

To be honest, I know why I'm so depressed right now but it's so personal, so deep, so important to me, so dark, that I don't even feel comfortable talking about it over the web. There's actually no one I can talk to about it. No one.