A minor point given all you've been through, but the angle of the sunlight has changed, and this tends to spark depression even in those of us who've been more or less hypo/manic all summer. I can only imagine what it might be doing to someone who's already depressed. Light therapy can be very helpful in this case.....check with your T or your pdoc.

Now, of course there are vastly more important issues going on here, and I sincerely hope you're not blaming yourself for the loss of your son. There is NO WAY you could have foreseen what would happen, nor prevented it. Please, please don't do this to yourself......you deserve so much better!

I wish I could tell you that there's an end to this terrible kind of grief, but I don't know when or if it will come. I only know that even in the most tragic type of loss, the pain does lessen, almost imperceptibly, with the passage of time. When I lost my little girl almost 30 years ago, I didn't see how I could possibly be happy ever again, but eventually it did happen.

However, losing a child (or a spouse) isn't something people ever really get OVER......we get through it, and if we're blessed we can get past it, but we never, ever get over it. We simply learn to move forward, because there's no going back.

Wish there was something I could say or do to help. All any of us can do is offer our prayers and good thoughts, and tell you to hang in there. SOMEDAY you won't hurt as badly as you do now. SOMEDAY you'll look up into the late-summer sun and be glad you're alive. But it's certainly understandable that today was not that day.