Hi Hopeless,
Thank you for sharing what is happening to you right now. This community is great and I expect it will help you a lot. Many people here have a therapist and they feel this is helping. Maybe you can try. I do not have one, I had a therapist in past and it was good. But now I just cannot do it. I do other stuff, such as trying to eat healthy, taking care of a pet, trying to communicate with my friends (it is being hard but I am progressing little by little). I hope you feel better soon!