so this is not something I have brought up a whole ton, caus honestly its kind of a guessing game for me right now.
but its a sure bet that with all my nurological issues I have had before in the past that the idea of childeren might be a far cry for someone like me.

I have not recently been reminded of this usually I pass it off easily enough by reminding myself I have a hard enough time taking care of my self a child would only be work and more stress for me to deal with.

but since a lot of my close friends are starting to date again and I am reminded that in three months from now I will be the big three zero (le gasp)

and my hanging out around the local knitting shop which I have not done in a while its noticeable that.
people either want to have kids and families or are already starting to have them.

And I feel as though I will always be one step behind in my knowledge of kids cause from a fairly young age I was told my neurologists it would be rather hard for me to have kids and if I ever did I would be a fairly high risk pregnancy at that.

its sounds stupid but I feel as though a part of my self as women has been rubbed from me in some way. Not being able to fully carry a baby and bring into the world is a hard thing for me to swallow its natural...and for me being pagan nature is a huge part of me.