Hi Everyone,
I probably should be posting on the psychotherapy forum with this one, but I am more comfortable with my friends here since several of you know me much better on this forum.
You may remember that I have been through several t's lately. My current t, a clinical psychologist who I really respect, has been doing some testing with me during my last few sessions. When all of the info. has been put together, OMG I can't believe that I present as well as I do.
In a nutshell here are the major distresses for me: I am currently suffering through major depression, my bp state is such that I could be considered as a person who can't perform in the workworld (btw, I am successfully teaching now, although I know that I have had my work problems in the past!), I am an extreme OCd, type A personality, funny to me because I feel that I am so disorganized!
I cannot appreciate what others have to offer because I have a grandiose?? personality, I do not let people know me and do not form close, personal relationships. I am restless. My mind works on overdrive, I try to overthink all thoughts. Meanwhile, though, if I have to deal with an emotional issue, I will completely shut down. I am unlikely to accept outside help for my problems.
I could go on with many other distressing findings, but I will stop now. Unfortunately, I can't say that any of her findings were wrong. When it is all read in one sitting, though, it is overwhelming.
Oh, the "positive" finding is that I am extremely intelligent. This was followed with my need to overprocess all that is in my mind.
Where to go from here????
My take is that no matter which direction I am goin in, up or down, I am not able to find the positives.
Btw, I am confused about the depressed state I am supposidly in. Currently I am in overdrive with energy. During the past two days, I have had a couple of incidences where people have said that they don't understand what I am trying to say-a major problem for me when I am on overdrive because I get ahead of myself with my thougths. Also, I have not been sleeping well. It takes forever to fall asleep, but I still wake up ready to go.
Maybe I don't understand bp. Is it possible to be depressed even in a constant state of mental and physical changes? I don't get all of this.

I know, if you are still with me, what a boring post!!!

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