I feel very lonely. Not in a I-need-more-social-interaction kind of way. I just feel like I'm all alone. It's like no one really understands what I'm going through and how serious my situation is. Not sure my therapist understands it either. He doesn't really know how to help me. At least that's what he implied last time I saw him (he's not going to give up on me, I just think he doesn't really know how to deal with my situation). I guess that's partly my "fault". I have such a hard time expressing what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. I often don't even know what I'm feeling. I just know it hurts like hell. Right now, for example, I feel horribly low but I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. It just hurts. I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out.

Even though I'm really quite introverted and social interaction exhausts me I try to surround myself with people so that time will go by quicker and I'll be distracted. Sometimes (far from always) it helps in that precise moment (though I'm often anxious because of my social anxiety) but as soon as I have time to think it all hits me again. Over and over again. It doesn't matter how many people I surround myself with, I still feel lonely. I've felt that way since I was a child. I've never been able to connect with people properly. We've never been on the same page. I've always felt so different and I don't understand why.

I feel so stupid for ranting on the internet once again. I don't really want to burden you with my problems but I need to know if someone knows what it's like to feel this way. That I'm not completely alone in this mess that is my life.

I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. My life is a mystery to me and sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive. People say things get better but is that really true? Perhaps I'm just a lost cause.