There has to be something in the air. I woke up at 3:30. I got up and had a cup of hot milk with vanilla, and did manage to go back to sleep for one more hour.

I went out yesterday and got the final items I'll need after knee replacement surgery. I came home with a walker and an aluminum reaching stick thingy. I feel old, like my grandmother or somebody. I'm only 59. My mother was 73 when she broke her hip and needed these things. I feel very very old today.

I can feel myself falling into the abyss of depression. Not what I wanted to do, now that I have only 6 days to go before knee surgery. I was hypomanic in July and August - why do I have to get depressed when I need to keep a positive frame of mind to heal from surgery? Life isn't fair.