Thank you all for responding. I appreciate all your input and prayers.

But what if I did have a part in Jason's death. Hear me out ...

He was around 10 when he saw his Mom go from super Mom, to in and out of Psychiatric inpatient admissions. It was ugly and I wasn't always emotionally there for him. He was a very sensitive being, I know it took a long lasting toll on him.

In the last year of his life addiction took a strong hold on him. He was very ill. He didn't have medical insurance at the job he had, they were a very small company. He had to go to state funded rehab. The first one he went in with a pill addiction and learned about heroin.

My husband and I talked about paying for him to go to a much better one when we found out he was shooting heroin. But, we didn't because he didn't stay as long as he should of at the first one and didn't really want to go in the second time. He was actually kicked out after a week for leaving and coming back with heroin.

I think about all the money we spent on his funeral and wonder if we used that money for him to go to a first rate place if things would have been different.

He came back home after getting kicked out of that second one. We had a strict set of rules. He was supposed to go to intensive outpatient rehab in our county, that was why he was living with us. At 3:00 am in the morning of his starting day my husband found him on the bathroom floor. This was his first overdose.

He went into the hospital. He had an abscess in his arm and it had spread in his body. He had a pic line in and was very sick on all kinds of antibiotics. He was on Psychiatric floor where the people had medical problems. We don't know a lot of what happened because he denied us access. We do know for some reason they were giving him diluadid, one step down from heroin.
Why I don't know. They caught him breaking the pills up mixing them with water and using a syringe he shot them up his pic line. We were mortified.

Alcohol addiction runs in both our families. Like I said Jason was very ill. Just like with mentall illness, I don't think people with addiction get the care they should.

When he came home from the medical hospital he looked awful, so thin and no light in his eyes. We just thought if we loved him and supported him and didn't give him any access to money or a car, we could protect him.

I did talk to him about seeing a therapist and offered to pay until he could. But I didn't push the issue, this is where I let him down. I should have dragged him there !! I knew I my heart he needed to talk about what was eating at him and pushed him into his addiction.

I failed my son !