this is the first time I have let it occur to me...

I made it this far

I am going to die an old man

alone and old too...

nobody can be expected to cope with me

I am a fool to believe that now is just an accident

I love but I don't know how to make it functional...

my survival instincts are so marvellous..

I have been exposed to so much danger
I have designed my own danger...the deliberate kind

I have realised ...I have suddenly matured

and it's beyond illness now

I will grow a bit older and die alone

it is devastating

but I know it's meant to be



I forgive life for being so cruel to me

all it made me do was fight
I am done fighting...

and now I can sit in this beautiful seat of acceptance

now I know what the angels were insisting all along...

I will be an old man