Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino
I feel very lonely. Not in a I-need-more-social-interaction kind of way. I just feel like I'm all alone. It's like no one really understands what I'm going through and how serious my situation is. Not sure my therapist understands it either. He doesn't really know how to help me. At least that's what he implied last time I saw him (he's not going to give up on me, I just think he doesn't really know how to deal with my situation). I guess that's partly my "fault". I have such a hard time expressing what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. I often don't even know what I'm feeling. I just know it hurts like hell. Right now, for example, I feel horribly low but I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. It just hurts. I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out.
Even though I'm really quite introverted and social interaction exhausts me I try to surround myself with people so that time will go by quicker and I'll be distracted. Sometimes (far from always) it helps in that precise moment (though I'm often anxious because of my social anxiety) but as soon as I have time to think it all hits me again. Over and over again. It doesn't matter how many people I surround myself with, I still feel lonely. I've felt that way since I was a child. I've never been able to connect with people properly. We've never been on the same page. I've always felt so different and I don't understand why.
I feel so stupid for ranting on the internet once again. I don't really want to burden you with my problems but I need to know if someone knows what it's like to feel this way. That I'm not completely alone in this mess that is my life.
I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. My life is a mystery to me and sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive. People say things get better but is that really true? Perhaps I'm just a lost cause.
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you express yourself so beautifully!
I perhaps have a more extreme account of your experience but I needed to hear it from you....so that I may possibly share with you
I too feel very damaged by and in my world!
I don't know what came first
surely the world arrived before I did....
I see more sadness than joy on a regular basis....
but that joy sneaks in?...
keeps me alive
worrying that I don't fit in is over captivating and a trap...
I insist on making life fit me
it's been too damn hard playing emotional catch up
it's not your fault it's not mine either...
our sensitivities are too delicate for this harsh arrangement
things don't get better
but you do!
and from a sweet eyesight a new one...
you might understand the magnificence of your being
...and let go of all your insecurities and me to...
to witness the purity of living...
it's not about anything it's not even about us
we are just spectators...I am so sorry I complicate watching too
you are not alone