Thread: It hurts.
View Single Post
 
Old Sep 07, 2013, 03:21 PM
dubblemonkey dubblemonkey is offline
Account Suspended
 
Member Since: Feb 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,325
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino View Post
I feel very lonely. Not in a I-need-more-social-interaction kind of way. I just feel like I'm all alone. It's like no one really understands what I'm going through and how serious my situation is. Not sure my therapist understands it either. He doesn't really know how to help me. At least that's what he implied last time I saw him (he's not going to give up on me, I just think he doesn't really know how to deal with my situation). I guess that's partly my "fault". I have such a hard time expressing what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. I often don't even know what I'm feeling. I just know it hurts like hell. Right now, for example, I feel horribly low but I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. It just hurts. I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out.

Even though I'm really quite introverted and social interaction exhausts me I try to surround myself with people so that time will go by quicker and I'll be distracted. Sometimes (far from always) it helps in that precise moment (though I'm often anxious because of my social anxiety) but as soon as I have time to think it all hits me again. Over and over again. It doesn't matter how many people I surround myself with, I still feel lonely. I've felt that way since I was a child. I've never been able to connect with people properly. We've never been on the same page. I've always felt so different and I don't understand why.

I feel so stupid for ranting on the internet once again. I don't really want to burden you with my problems but I need to know if someone knows what it's like to feel this way. That I'm not completely alone in this mess that is my life.

I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. My life is a mystery to me and sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive. People say things get better but is that really true? Perhaps I'm just a lost cause.
you express yourself so beautifully!

I perhaps have a more extreme account of your experience but I needed to hear it from you....so that I may possibly share with you

I too feel very damaged by and in my world!

I don't know what came first

surely the world arrived before I did....

I see more sadness than joy on a regular basis....

but that joy sneaks in?...

keeps me alive

worrying that I don't fit in is over captivating and a trap...

I insist on making life fit me

it's been too damn hard playing emotional catch up

it's not your fault it's not mine either...

our sensitivities are too delicate for this harsh arrangement

things don't get better

but you do!

and from a sweet eyesight a new one...
you might understand the magnificence of your being

...and let go of all your insecurities and me to...

to witness the purity of living...

it's not about anything it's not even about us

we are just spectators...I am so sorry I complicate watching too

you are not alone
Thanks for this!
neutrino