Well....After I asked that question, I looked at your posting history and saw that you are very young and trying to give voice to what you remember and feel. ("very young" = something you might dispute, but count your years and the lifespan, okay?)

I realize that in your world, this can seem pretty darned concrete. I am not disputing or arguing this. I asked the question looking for information.

When I looked at your history on this site, I realized that you are suspended in that awful, scary LaLaLand of "is it REAL?" Okay, I get it.

You are having memories and questions, some of which, hard to swallow, are NORMAL for your age.....but tainted by what I will call "ick." That "ick" thing is hard to define, because it is oh, so personal. Nobody can define the "ick" boundary for YOU.

I have a specific memory of a thing that happened when I was (being deliberately cloudy here) a certain preteen-but-developed age. The memory would lead me, the adult woman, to use certain terms to describe the experience. BUT if I stick with what I really remember at that much younger age, I don't fill in the blanks and describe something more ambiguous.....but no less traumatic.

THAT is the difference in memory, experience, insight and understanding that leads me to ask you about why you are using specific terms and boundaries to try to block us in to one word answers.