You are always so lovely to me, Sun. Thank you.

Today I worked on it a lot. I wrote down my weight on paper, and I tore it up. And to avoid gathering the pieces again (OCD...doesn't mix well) I flushed them down the toilet (sorry mom and internal plumbing). I drank a lot of tea today and, despite that number, I ate breakfast, lunch, a snack (which involved a cookie) and I am waiting for dinner to be ready. I don't want that number haunting my life or ruining my health. That number was GOOD. It showed me that I am doing well! And that I should be proud! It's just the ill part of my brain that is telling me I should be ashamed.

I have been clinging onto restricting and keeping my numbers low for so long that I forgot how it feels to have some energy. And I forgot how it is to get excited about good food, and not to get nervous and panicky over it. I am not saying that, in one day, I was cured. But after thinking about it all night and all day, I know that I am doing the right thing for my body. And, despite it all, I am proud of myself right now.