All the stress that's been in my life lately, & that just ends up causing bad diarrhea & I just continually end up loosing weight. What ever I gain when I eat, gets lost right after. Had serious problems with that right before going to my pain specialist last week & he even commented on how much I had lost in the last 1 1/2 months....then he piled another stressor on me....he's quitting his practice & going to take a position in a hospital where he's been doing a small amount of work all along. He's been my one place where I've been able to continue getting help here for the migraines I have that never go away.....even with the pain medications, I still get the symptoms of the migraines like the smell's effecting me & light....but with the meds....no pain......now to try & find another pain specialist who will be willing to treat me at the level I've been treated at since 2003 (4 years before I even moved here).......I'm stressing even more......feel like a complete mess because with the stress comes even worse insomnia along with the not eating well & then the depersonalization hits at times.......& just feel like a total mess.

I actually did eat well last night....I grilled a top sirloin steak nice & rare the way I like it & grilled eggplant, vidalia onions, & the bell pepper & the sweet bananna peppers I grew in my garden.....grew everything except the steak & the onions......made a balsamic ginger baste for the vegies & BBQ sause for the steak....lightly done.......Luckily, I didn't have problems at that point with what I ate......so I was able to gain a little back.....but my body just won't keep it there.

Good thing the blood pressure monitor wasn't working because I'm sure my blood pressure was sky high & even higher when I left.

Life can be so unkind at times.....& those are the times when I really don't care about eating.......sometimes I would just like to fade into nothingness.....but it just doesn't work that way