heh...I know exactly what you're talking about. I have both clinical depression and PTSD with physical symptoms as well. I can only imagine bipolar on top.

my family has had an astonishing track record with tradgedy. I am only fourteen and have faced more than most people will in their entire life. I too am a "doped up poet" with sadistic thoughts. I formed an emotional addiction to hash at the age of eleven and never got off it.

My point being with this self-indulgent sob story is that you are not alone. And by posting this, you have shown me that I am not alone, either, so keep on posting.