Well done for ordering the book. Doing that and reaching out here is all a great step. The thing is, it's hard because your parents didn't model good behaviour for you. You haven't experienced good parenting yourself - and for that I am sorry - so you need to gather some of the knowledge you are missing.

Kids tend to act out for four main reasons: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. So HALT is a good way to remember it. If she doesn't agree with you, if she wants her own way, what's the worst that can happen? Are you stressed about the behaviour, or your authority being challenged? The best way to deal with a kid not eating what they're given is to say: "Oh dear, you're not hungry," quietly take it away, and... that's it.

I think one of the most destructive lessons we learn from toxic parents is the need for a parent to be right, to be unquestioned. So she doesn't want to do things your way, she gives you earache about it. Oh well. Nobody's going to die as a result. Unquestioning obedience isn't actually good - it may make your life easier in the short term but really you want her to think for herself. It's okay if your child doesn't seem to like you, it's okay if they seem to be questioning your authority. You are in charge really, and you don't need to prove that to them or you.

If you don't like her behaviour, ignore it. When she behaves how you want, praise her. Make a big fuss. Children want attention, so make sure she gets attention for positive behaviour, not for being 'bad'. See, children don't really want to annoy you, it's just this is how she can get your attention right now.

I wish you luck