((MowtownJohnny)),

I had bad dreams and thoughts in my sleep last night too. I had a strange day yesterday so that probably set the wheels of my mind in motion to produce these bad thoughts/dreams. I woke up off an on and pushed myself back into sleep and I never really got a peaceful rest.

With you though, well you have been opening up a lot lately talking and thinking about elements of your past that "hurt you and made you feel bad about yourself in some way". Your father was often mean and disrespectful towards you growing up and you didn't have enough life skills to "self protect" or "protect your boundaries".
Typically, a father is supposed to teach his son these skills, not be the one who bullies or makes his son feel "unsafe and unvalued".

Often when we work through our childhood where we may have been "abandoned or felt powerless somehow" we were scared, stressed, and even depressed. These emotional flashbacks can come forward where we are "remembering these feelings as if we are living that way in the now. It took me a while to really realize that myself too. However, what you need to understand is that these sort of "flashbacks" come over us like a wave and though the struggle is confusing, it does fade again.

My T told me this is a part of "remembrance and mourning" and it is important to do just what you are doing, talking about it, getting validated and comforted so you can finally "heal".

((Hugs))
OE