Perhaps I see a pattern here. You seem to let others choose you as a partner rather than choose your partner. Someone can be physically attractive but if their personality is not attractive then they are a turn-off. Perhaps you let others initiate because you have a lower sex drive and less sexual curiosity.

It's normal to physically experiment as a child. I don't know if I would call it sex but I don't know what specifically happened.

I think you should see a counselor to sort out your inner feelings. Perhaps taking the initiative by defining what type of person you would like to meet and then seeking that type of person would be a good first start. It appears you may not know what type of person you want. Try finding someone with similar values and a similar sex drive.