No one should have to live like this. I don't care who the person is, I wouldn't wish my life on a hardcore criminal. I was actually doing ok for the last two days or so, but today I took a big dive. I woke up not feeling as good as the other days, plus I have a million things on my mind and worse yet, my family had the fight of a lifetime tonight. I honestly thought everyone was going to have a heart attack; their faces were purple, everyone was screaming louder than you could ever imagine, things were flying. Everyone said a lot of things I know they'll regret ever saying and it broke my heart to hear them say it. I don't care what happens to me, I never have, but when I see one of my family members hurt, it kills me. Of course it had to be me to step in between them and push everyone apart and calm them down, otherwise they probably would have ended up killing each other (literally). I haven't cried in over 2 months, but just the situation of everything tonight brought me to my knees and I cried a river. Just the thought of Christmas coming up in a couple of days and my sister leaving on the 26th, I didn't want everyone to be in bad terms, at least for now. One of my earliest memories was of my parents fighting and throwing my backpack across the room and breaking a ruler I had in it. I was crying hysterically the whole time and I ended up throwing up on their bedroom floor. I can honestly say that in my whole life, I only remember one day where everyone got along for the entire day. It was two years ago when we spent an entire day at the ocean. I'll remember that day for as long as I live because it's so special and rare. When I was still in elementary school I remember them talking about getting divorced and I was crushed. Later on, my sister and I actually encouraged it; it's obviously bad to stay in an environment such as this one. I feel like I'm a bad person for encouraging this action. My dream is to wake up one day and hear a pleasant conversation being spoken, but I know it is impossible and if it hasn't happened in the last 20 years, I know it's not going to ever happen. Is it so wrong that I wish my parents would get a divorce? I feel very trapped and suffocated right now and would really like some input. I'm sorry I have rambled on for so long. It seems like whenever I post a message, all I ever do is complain. Sorry!