One of the most poignant memories I have about me and my dysthymia is when I used to look back over my school pictures and wonder who that sad girl was staring back at me.

Most of those pictures were Kindergarten through 5th or 6th grade, and one in particular is still vividly etched upon my mind ... I want to just reach out and hug that pitiful looking child.

In Jr. & Sr. High I learned how to plaster on that fraudulent "All Is Well" smile ... The one that helps us deny that anything is wrong in our lives? Yeah, that one.

I still do that today ... And feel I'm betraying myself when I do. However, it gets me through the day without too many intrusive inquiries, and when I'm at home alone or with my therapist I let the way I'm really feeling come out.

Anger, Tears, Sadness, Grief ... All the stuff I had to choke down back then ... I no longer have to choke it down now ... I may have to put it on hold for a bit, but I shall never deny the fact that they're there ever again.